Breakups and divorces are very sensitive topics for any human being. Deciding to conclude a relationship or marriage is never an easy task for anyone. The decision of who will file the divorce case first, adds extra pressure to individuals.
Many people are still unaware of the process of filing for divorce. For many people, who file divorce first, it doesn’t matter, as it is part of the procedure. However, many people are afraid of filing for divorce because they want to avoid the complexity of the judicial system.
This article will help you become aware of the judicial system and the complexities of the divorce procedure. Once you finish the article and learn about the pros and cons of filing for divorce, you may be able to make good decisions.
Does It Really Matter Who File Divorce First?
Many relationship coaches and analysts believe that it doesn’t matter who starts the divorce proceedings as one must have to take the first steps. However, according to our studies, in some cases and regions, the outcomes may be influenced by who initiates the divorce proceedings.
Preference For Jurisdiction:
In some conditions, filing for divorce first will allow you to choose the jurisdiction where you want the case to be heard. Especially if you and your spouse live in different countries or regions where the jurisdictions are different, then you can learn where you might get benefits and choose your jurisdiction according to it.
The preference of jurisdiction may have a significant impact on how the property will be divided, alimony guidance, child custody rules, etc. However, these benefits are only applicable if there are significant differences between divorce laws between the two jurisdictions.
Having The Upper Hand:
One of the most important benefits that you can avail by initiating the procedure is you can set up the tone for the proceedings. You’ll have the opportunity to present your side of the story first to the court which may set the tone for the case.
However, it is important to note that judges are well-trained and they give priority to both parties equally in announcing their judgments. Hence, the advantage is not much but psychologically you may create an impact if you put your side strongly and in a well-mannered way.
Time For Preparation:
The spouse who initiates the divorce process often enjoys more time for preparation legally, mentally, and financially. In the meantime, they can collect proper documents, consult with specialists, gather finances, and prepare for upcoming strategies before the other partner even receives notification from the court.
This is probably the most important benefit of filing divorce first, especially if you have issues involving complex assets, child custody, etc. If you are not active or prepared enough, your partner can catch or beat you in this aspect. Hence, you must also use such advanced time to strengthen yourself.
Financial Burden:
In case you initiate the divorce proceeding, you might have to bear some extra costs like court fees, attorney fees, costs for documentation, etc. Depending on your jurisdiction and in some cases, the initial costs may be reimbursed later between the parties and both take equal responsibility for the cost of proceedings.
On the contrary, if you are the first one to initiate divorce proceedings, you may avail benefits like child support, spousal support, restraining orders, etc. These benefits will help you to survive at the beginning of separation but later you may lose all of these benefits depending on the case.
Emotional Impact:
Filing divorce first can empower individuals and give mental strength to lead to the process. Divorce is a very sensitive topic and people often back out because of their emotional dilemma.
Hence, initiating the process will help you to counter your emotional and ethical pressure and make you stronger. In most cases, people don’t realize that such emotional blockage in divorce can harm them financially and socially, and taking the first step towards divorce may help you to cure this problem.
In conclusion, we can reach the point that whether it matters who files the divorce first depends on the situation, jurisdictions, and individuals. If anyone can utilize it, initiating the process gives you some psychological and emotional advantage compared to the opponent.
But in most cases, these benefits are temporary because the judges are trained enough not to give you unfair advantages. However, filing a divorce first can help you to overcome the emotional dilemma that most couples face during the proceeding and make you stronger.
6 Disadvantages of Filing For Divorce First:
However, there are some small advantages of filing divorce first but there are many disadvantages that are also present. Filing for divorce may give you an upper hand for some moment but in the long run, it may not be there.
Huge Upfront Fees:
In many countries, you need to pay a huge amount to file a divorce. The amount may range from a few hundred to thousands of dollars which may not be reimbursed between partners depending on the situation. The upfront fees usually include court fees, lawyer fees, relationship coaches fees, and other miscellaneous fees which may cost a lot.
In the long run, the court may order or another partner may show humanity by taking half of the responsibility but the chances are very low. Hence, when you initiate the divorce proceedings, you may need to ensure that you have enough funds to finance the process because there is no guarantee that the amount will be reimbursed.
Exposing Your Strategies:
One of the most important disadvantages of initiating the divorce process is you have to expose your demands and strategies. Your spouse or partner can keep a close eye on what you are doing and what is your intention if you file the divorce first.
By analyzing your initial approach, claims, and demands your partner can easily plan his strategy to counter you and you may not be able to know about it at the right time. This may give you a slight disadvantage and you may need to hire an expensive lawyer to overcome the problem.
Emotional Pressure:
As we mentioned above, once you file the divorce first it’ll free you from emotional pressure and make you stronger. But deciding to file a divorce is very difficult and many people back out from the process because of the emotional pressure during this time.
Once you file the divorce first, your partner may blame you for ending the marriage and ask for better alimony, maintenance, and spousal support.
In many countries, where divorce laws are more in favor of females, usually they often blame their male partners for initiating divorce first and seek better spousal support than expected and the jury also gives a verdict in favor of females. Hence, learn the laws and be careful.
Unwanted Escalation:
If you initiate the divorce proceedings, your partner may feel you are in the urgency to end the marriage. This may cause a conflict with your partner and your partner may claim your move as a blindsided move in the court and ask for more compensation or decisions in favor of him.
Hence, filing for divorce first may backfire if you don’t put your demand and reason why you want a divorce with proper proof. A heated battle may take place which may delay the result and the cost of proceedings may increase.
No Guarantee For Better Outcome:
Many people believe in the myth that filing a divorce first can give you a lot of added advantages. Many lawyers even suggest that you initiate the process to prevent losing clients. But when clients don’t receive those extra advantages, they get upset and the money they invest goes in vain.
Many important decisions, such as property division, child custody, alimony, or spousal support are based on the details of the relationship and the reason for divorce and not based on who initiates the process. If you are still living in the myth that initiating the process will give you huge advantages, then you might be wrong.
Responsibility of Schedule:
The person who usually initiates divorce proceedings has to take the responsibility to coordinate with the court schedule and give an impetus to the proceedings in the initial days. Such responsibility includes attending the hearings on top of deadlines, submitting paperwork, paying fees, and keeping the proceedings moving.
Most people are already in stress during this time due to the emotional dilemmas of divorce and such responsibility puts extra pressure on the individuals.
If you are unable to move your case forward during the initial days, maybe the proceedings will be postponed and you’ll lose all the investment you have made to win the case.
Filing for divorce first has some advantages and disadvantages as well. You need to consider all potential pros and cons before you file it. For this reason, you may consult a professional lawyer and relationship coach to figure out all the answers and be prepared to take such a big step.
Also Read: 7 Reasons Why Breakups And Divorce Are Very Painful
